sometimes i try to figure out
what i'm actually doing in life
like i'm just kinda flailing helplessly
against a tide
of my own ennui
of my own middle class dissatisfaction
a lingering thought in my head
that i'm just another destined fuckup
with no prospects in life
that i'm just a useless waste of space
ready to be shuffled off
ready to just die

but i try not to think about those things
because i know life is about more than that
or at least i believe that
(concrete knowledge of such things
is so slippery and difficult to perceive)
(i personally think life
is meaningless
and that we just have to make our own
meaning)
so i go about my day trying to do things
things that make life worth living
taking up hobbies
taking up activities
anything to keep my mind off
the simple fact
that i will
die
someday, hopefully in the far future.